How do you explain Ramadan to Americans...
Well, it's like Christmas eve every single day, for 28 days. You can't eat all day because mom is making a huge dinner. Good luck getting anything done, because everyone leaves work early and most places aren't even open. Oh, and there's no drinking. So basically, you're in Groundhog Day but it's not as funny, you're not Bill Murray and you have no hope of 'getting the girl' or any girl. At the end of it all, instead of Christmas you slaughter an animal in the streets and give 1/3 to the poor, 1/3 to Allah, and eat 1/3. Just try to imagine going to work one day and finding out your employer has brought a giant bull. Everyone is called outside, they kill the bull, and everyone is excited. That 'that's weird and maybe a little gross' sensation that you are experiencing is the same feeling that an Egyptian has when they see me eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, so don't judge others.
Also, Daylight savings time has already ended for me. That's right, they moved Daylight Savings Time to before Ramadan this year so I fell 1 hour back already. We are now only 6 hours apart. I feel closer to you already.
Allow me to sing the praises of Otlob.com
This is a very simple, free food delivery service.
Basically you go to the site, choose your area in Cairo (Garden City, if you're me) and then choose a restaurant. The problem is that you only have overpriced restaurants to choose from and there's a minimum you have to spend to warrant delivery (usually around 3 dollars), but it couldn't be easier to use. I am sitting here in a very hungry state of mind and I would like a sandwich or eight and I really don't feel like going out into the heat. So I ordered a lot of food, including profiteroles (as seen in the picture), a soda and 2 bottles of water for around $7, after tip. Then my order goes to a person who speaks arabic and english and he or she calls my order in and calls me if there is any issue with the order. A-mazing.
If you want to see what my non street food options are you should check it out. There are rare comedy gems to be found (Large Viagra Sandwich and Chicken Seizure Salad).
When Dave was here he saw a store for "Gift Raping."
This is to test that this page is working in good way, it's so bad that u working in place not ur place i need to go home also to help my sister in taking care of little baby abd el ra7man as he is so noisy and he keeps on crying all day i dont know why is he crying what do u thinks of going out i really dont know
Ok so you may not be able to read that text, but just know that this is the Egyptian People's Assembly official website and the text at the bottom reads:
My friend Nader called me on Sunday night and asked if I was interested in going to the White Desert. He had a Bedouin all lined up and was going to shoot some video for a new art project. I agreed, not knowing or caring what the White Desert is, I just like adventure and I have developed an affinity with the idea of camping out with Bedouins and staring at the stars.
We left the next morning at 630am and had a very uncomfortable 6 hour bus ride. When we arrived our guide took us to his house and fed us an amazing breakfast. After a quick rest, we picked up two of his friends that are musicians and drove off into the desert. We made a quick stop at a 'pool' to cool off and pick up a hookah from a nearby cafe. The water looked amazing, but it smelled of sulfur. At first I thought, 'I'm not swimmin' in no turd bath.' In thinking, I allow myself many grammatical errors, a poetic license if you will. It was too hot to say no to water, smell or not, although I regretted it later when I was sticky and realized the guide had filled up the water bottles in the same water I bathed.
We then drove almost 2 hours into the desert. At some points during the drive you are in awe at just how hot it really is, and then sometimes it was like someone would open an oven door and you would be blasted with even hotter air. We arrived at the camp site at around 530pm, just in time for the sun to start setting behind the rock formations. The rocks are basically giant pieces of chalk, which make them difficult and dangerous to climb, but not impossible. I sat on top of the largest one I could get up and watched the sunset and listened to the musicians play below.
The Bedouins made us an amazing dinner, but trying to explain that chicken does not fit into the vegetarian diet is difficult at best. We smoked sheesha and listened to the musicians play for hours. One of them had a double barreled flute and was able to use circular breathing to hold one note continuously while playing a melody at the same time. I was able to get pretty decent audion with my camera and will try to exract it and put it up on H(H) soon. Also, if you know how to do that, email me.
Later that night I was lying there looking at every single star, listening to the new Mogwai, and trying to convince Nader that he shouldn't fall asleep because the foxes would come and rip his throat out in his sleep. I then told him that his toes were as good as chicken nuggets to a fox and he should wear shoes to sleep. That combined with the crazy sounds of the desert actually scared him quite a bit.
After a nice breakfast of breads, jams and eggs we started another long, grueling bus ride. I hope one of you faithful readers invent teleportation very soon.
Real life started to creep into my life today. I started my arabic lessons and applied to jobs. It's been a good run, I haven't worked for over a month and I put as much life in that time as I think is humanly possible.
Arabic should prove interesting. I have a private tutor twice a week for two hours at a time and loads of homework. I plan on putting 8 full hours a week into learning the language, working 40 hours a week and volunteering another 8-12. Happiness comes, in part, from an active mind.
I have loads of pictures and stories from the White Desert, but I'm still editing the material and should have it all up tomorrow.
I'm leaving tomorrow at 6am Egypt time to go spend the night in the White Desert. They don't have internet in the desert so I will not be posting for a day or two. Just thought you should know.
Mogamma is the central bureaucratic building in Egypt. Fortunately for me it is located a mere 10 min walk from my house. Unfortunately for me I had to get my visa extended because my initial 30 day visa has expired.
To combat unemployment the government has hired 3-4 people to do each task. I also believe that Mubarak has some sort of deal with the stamp impresario because you have to obtain over 5 stamps for this sheet of paper you have to fill out. That, of course, is after you get photocopies of your passport, passport photos, and the form itself. Let me add that there is no concept of 'lines' in Egypt. So basically imagine DMV on a bad day, with over 70 windows scattered throughout just the second floor, you don't know the language, you have to go around collecting stamps, it's complete chaos, almost nothing is written in english, and all that's if you're prepared and brought all that you need to complete the process.
The deadline each day is also noon. I woke up at 1030am. I left the house at 1045am with no pictures or photocopies. Fortunately, on the way to the Mogamma there are shops where I can get both things done. After 10 minutes and 3 american dollars I have photos and photocopies. Through charm and lots of experience in cramped basement shows, I made it home by 1145am with lunch in hand. Six month visa extension = $2.00. Lunch (Kosheri, 1.5 liter of Pepsi and 1.5 liter water) = $2.oo.
Great job!
1. When is the last time you listened to R Kelly's Real talk? If you think it stopped being funny/entertaining you are wrong, go listen to it.
2. Has anyone done the I-Doser experiment? I have and am still in the process, I will publish my findings later.
3. What would you like to see more of or changed?
Want to make money and meet someone cool?
My friend Steve is moving back to the states and will reside in DC.
He has a serious problem though -
He arrives in NYC and needs to get to DC on 8/29 (although he may be flexible by a day i think). The problem is that he does not have a drivers license and he has cats. He loves these 2 egyptian cats so much he's bringing them to the states. Anyway, he's a foreign journalist who's been in Iraq and Egypt primarily over the past 9 years so he has a lot of interesting information/stories.
He cannot take a bus b/c of the cats and cannot drive b/c of the no license situation. He is willing to pay someone $250 plus all gas expenses. All you have to do is drive him from NY to DC. Do you make 250 a day normally? Yeah, me either.
Anyway, get back to me ASAP.
Direct quote:
Chocolate's yummy, innit? So why deny your love for the scrumptious stuff when you can celebrate it with the whimsically daft Chococlock. This stylish retro-modern timepiece is a bit like a cuckoo clock but when its shutters open, on the hour every hour, it delivers a scrumptious chocolate treat to the tune of the 'Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy'. You then have 30 seconds to retrieve your reward before the clock snatches it back. Loo break? Forget it.
So every single hour your weak willed overweight self gets a bite sized piece of candy. Great job!
link
I'm a part of this listserv that basically acts like Craigslist over here. The thing is that you 'subscribe' to it and you get all the emails that the other people post, so slightly less convenient. Anyway, it's a great service and it's called Cairo Scholars, but it's run by a professor of Arabic studies at the University of Texas. So you can imagine, he probably has a class size of about four, and therefore has a ton of free time apparently.
I've heard multiple stories from friends about email exchanges they've had with him. He actually does not allow Egyptians to be on the listserv, and that is documented in an email. When my friend was cut off for offering arabic lessons, because you cannot promote yourself on the listserv, he signed up with a different email and was removed again because the guy actually goes through and looks at all the ip addresses!
Anyway, I'm just upset because I posted a simple question about the independant music scene in Cairo and this is the email I receive directly from him, keep in mind that my name is in my email address, which appears before you even read my post:
May I ask you to use at least your first name in the signature line? Cairo Scholars policy prevents name-less messages because they look anonymous. In the past, I have removed members who failed to comply even accidentally because nameless messages hinder a sense and trust and community. I would hate for you to be removed.
Best,
Samer Ali
It's that last line that really upsets me. Can you imagine a professor writing something so passive aggressive? And he actually removed people because they accidentally forgot to put their name on a post? The term 'Allah Complex' comes to mind.
Happy Birthday to my sister, Amanda. She just turned 25-30.
She once found out that the guy she was dating cheated on her and she straight up punched him in the face. Another time I tricked her into smelling the bottle of ketchup and then squeezed it. To this day, there is still ketchup in her brain.
Happy birthday, Ketchup Brain Foster, Happy Birthday.
Sand Land Country? Anyway...
Remember that scene where the main character goes to the opium den style party and sits there with that guy and has a super serious talk about anarchy as a plausible system of working society?
In a way that has been the last 5 days of my life I think. I have had one serious conversation after the other. The best part about it is that the other people have completely different opinions and I'm actually learning things. For example, I'm pretty sure I had a conversation with Ayn Rand at one party. Then tonight I had someone take the position of 'maybe an incompetent, disorganized central government actually benefits society.' She had very good supporting paragraphs, as did Ms. Rand.
I really enjoy this aspect of life here. In America, the people you hang out with are usually pretty like minded and its too easy to not have a serious dialogue with someone that shares a different opinion. How difficult is it to not talk to the drunk frat guy at the bar who thinks that the war is a good idea? Then when you're with your friends it's all too easy to not have a serious political conversation because what are you going to say? 'Do you hate this unjust war? Yes? Cool, me too. PBR? Sure.'
The downside is, of course, less jokes. My roommates watched Juno tonight and I was concerned with was how it was perceived from an Islamic viewpoint and how well did the humor translate cross culturally. Where's the fun in that? I need to meet someone here who is a straight up joke machine or has a complete and reckless disregard for their well being as well as everyone else around them.
I figured I had until I hit 35 before I grew up. If a year in this region causes me to prematurely mature I will be quite upset.
There was a really nice party on the rooftop of my new place last night. It started off a little too relaxed for my tasted and maybe even too nice. The girl that prepared everything was so well organized that it seemed like it was some nice catered affair. That was at around 10pm.
I spent most of the night hanging out with this guy Nader (pronounced Nae-dare) who is egyptian but went to school in Minniapolis, MN. He is currently an artist in New York that loves metal and is very familiar with the works of Municipal Waste and Cannabis Corpse. I guess I'm just a sucker for a Richmond connection of any kind, but we had a great time.
Fast forward through the giant bins of alcohol being consumed and then there were about 10 of us listening to Palestinian hip hop and watching the sunrise. It ended up being one of the better parties so far.
Interesting fact: Jello shooters are esentially non existant outside of the US, kind of like peanut butter and jelly. I plan on capitalizing on that fact next party. I figure that's going to be the only way to get anyone else drunk enough to start chanting things like,
"when I say 'college', you say 'rules'"
"COLLEGE"
"RULES"
"COLLEGE"
"RULES"
The other night my friend/roommate Maher came into my room and said, 'Parliament is burning, come look, you can see it from the roof.' So we went up to the roof and he told me that it had already been burning for almost 2 hours. From the roof I could see the flames and I live about a mile away. Maher then told me that the fire department had failed completely and the military was called in to try to extinguish it. That's when we saw the helicopters with those buckets underneath flying by to try to put out the fire. Then they couldn't get the buckets to dump. It was like a really really dark Ben Stiller movie, if you could imagine something going terribly wrong it went wrong. Anyway, I grabbed the camera and rushed down to the building. Unfortunately trying to take night pictures in a near riot situation is not easy. I even climbed on top of a wall to get a better view and it didn't help too much. Then I was without internet until yesterday afternoon so I didn't know what the news was saying about it, but it turns out that 13 people were injured and the cause was most likely electrical.
The feeling at the scene was pretty amazing though. Back in the side streets youth were cheering and yelling and I'm pretty sure that a bowab said, 'the presidents moustache caught fire.' I hope that if nothing else, it just gets people talking. Maybe people will start to question whether or not this part of government is even necessary, and the compentency of the government in general.
Read this.
It's an article written by a friend of mine on the recent abduction of local activists here in Egypt. This entire political scene is so messed up.
Basically, here's the long/short of the politics right now -
The current leader Mubarak was the vice president under the last leader, Sadat. When Sadat was assassinated in '81 Mubarak took control. Do the math, that means that he has been 'president' for 27 years. Right after he took power he declared Egypt in a state of emergency and Egypt has been under 'emergency law' for over 25 years. That means that no one has the right to a fair trial and the government can do whatever it wants. He's one of those leaders that America keeps in power for because he follows instructions and protects our interests, but his human rights violations increase daily. Almost everyone is just holding their breath waiting for his reign to end. He's old and he's sick so it's just a matter of time, but the problem is that there is no real light at the end of the tunnel. Activists get arrested/tortured and there's no opposition party at all. The only 'alternative' is the muslim brotherhood, but they're technically not even allowed to participate politically and are also arrested on a regular basis. The assumed successors are either a military general or Mubarak's son Gamal (the one not publicly involved in corruption).
The system here does not work, but a culture of very real fear has led to a general sense of apathy and helplessness. My hope was that the burning of the parliament buildings would be the spark to light a real fire, but I know now that that's not the case. People don't want to be tortured. So everyone sits and waits for Allah to do something about it.
It's a shame really. This is a great country with a lot of potential and a rich history, but all it is right now is a myriad of failed policies and an overabundance of poverty.
So I wake up from a dream with a marketing epiphany -
Cheese Whoppers
Here's the thing though, not just like oh, we're going to give you cheese whoopers, no. We're going to give you every major kind of cheese in whopper form. Gruyère, Pont l'Evêque, Norwegian Jarlsberg, and Venezuelan Beaver Cheese.
Sometimes drugs make you do stupid things. I'm pretty sure this is one of them.
So this site, I-doser claims that through sound you can experience a similar high to many popular drugs. The best part is that they don't stop at the usually suspects, like Peyote, they offer you Prozium and White Crosses.
Here's where I need your participation. I would like everyone that reads this and has internet access to download the files. There are two options, you can download their 'two free doses' along with their player, etc from their website, or you can download them without the player for free by searching 'i-doser' on thepiratebay.
Your choice, but you get more of a selection on the pirate bay and free is free right? So download them and give it an honest chance, even if you don't have noise canceling headphones. Then write me your experiences. Please do this. I am downloading them now but with this internet connection it could take a week (seriously). I read the experiences on their website and they were hilarious so I want to read yours.
May our souls hold hands in the realm of wizards and our hearts give each other butterfly kisses through the use of binaural brainwave doses.
Sorry, the internet went down again.
So we don't get more than about 10 feet from the bar when an egyptian with a british accent approaches chris and starts telling him how much he and his friends wanted to talk and hang out, etc. Chris looks at me and I just reply, "I'm straight, so you guys go and have a good time and take care of my friend."
Unfortunately, I realized 3 blocks later that Chris had the key to the hotel room. So I went back inside and tried to just get the key from Chris, but I was talked into staying and having a beer with everyone. This was not difficult to do because everyone seemed like they were having such a good time. A gay time would be the most appropriate term here.
Important fact, the guy's name was Ahmed, but he went by 'Fergee.'
So fast foward to me being kicked out of my own room by some guy named Fergee. I grabbed a book and headed for the reception area on that floor and just hung out for a while. I noticed that the 14yr old doorboy who had let us into the hotel (since the doors lock at midnight) was walking passed me toward the room quite a bit. I realized he was listening in on the action and when he walked passed me and went downstairs towards the main office, I rushed to the door, banged on it, and whisper-yelled through the crack "We have serious problems, quit what you're doing and open the door."
Sure enough, the door boy is back again within minutes and escorts Fergee out of the building, but not before Fergee got my number so he could call Chris later. I figured this was all finished until the doorboy came back and asked to speak to me for a minute, or at least motioned the sentiment. He then realized that neither one of us spoke the other's language and began miming something that looked like 'plowing.' I figure that's not what he meant and when I looked confused he grabs the floor squeegy from the bathroom and continues doing exactly what he was doing before. Chris then grabs the translation book and the doorboy looks through it, points to Chris and says 'a gay'. Then he looks through the book some more and then points to the word 'sexy'.
At this point I am laughing, even though I know I shouldn't be, but come on squeegy - a gay - sexy is hilarious!
Fergee calls at just the right time and I get him to translate for me and he somehow talks us out of the situation completely. I also get the feeling the boy never told anyone in the hotel about any of this. I also realized he was looking through the keyhole, not just listening in. I also realize that maybe, the doorboy will have some very tough years ahead of him.
So last night I stayed up late watching the smoke from the burning parliament building on the roof of my apartment. It was truly magnificent, but more on that later.
So at around 130am I realized I hadn't eaten any dinner so I decided to go to a nearby egyptian style pizza place. Unfortunately, it seemed like they were feeding the military special troops that were on hand for the fire, so it took 45 minutes to get some hot egyptian 'za. As I walked away I realized that I was carrying 2 medium pizzas (one vegetarian, one dessert, both for me) and I spent less that 4 US Dollars. I was no longer upset about the wait. When I got home I remembered why it was so cheap, it doesn't taste very good. Usually it's not bad, but it was so terrible I threw most of it out and just focused on the chocolate pizza, which was delicious.
I then woke up at 830am and I am now sick for a third time in less than a month.
Worst 4 dollars ever spent? Maybe.
Will I make the same mistake again? Probably.
I've spent the better part of 3 hours cleaning my new room. This is after I got home at around 3 am and was woken up by the guy I was house sitting for at 5am. This was made awkward by my being in my underwear and never having met him before.
Anyway, I think my room has a/c, I'm not sure. It's been going the entire time and I'm still sweating like crazy. Also, nothing I do to this room will ever make it look good. I tried to replace the light bulb and pulled out the entire fixture from the ceiling. Entire chunks of wall are just missing and I think out of 7 outlets in the room, 2 work. I know you think Target is probably not the coolest place in the world, but I promise that not having the convenience of getting everything I would need to make this place awesome in one place is actually really awesome. Instead, I will spend an hour in the hot sun with a light bulb or two saying 'like this' in arabic to every shop I pass until someone has a light bulb 'like this'. That's the easy part, there's thing I would like to have that I can't just walk around with, like a pillow or pillow case. Good luck trying to find the pillow case district.
I guess the moral is, want less.
That of course is easy to say, but when you just want to take a nap but you're afraid the bed has scabies you have a bit of cognitive dissonance.
Please note, this story was printed with Chris' permission. Normally I wouldn't post things like this, I would just tell them at inappropriate times, like dinner with your parents.
One caveat in this entire chapter in life is the almost complete lack of women (lil' hotties). This is less than awesome for me, but perhaps much needed and a way in which to grow myself as a human being. This creates an interesting situation (prison-like in nature) that allows Chris far more romantic opportunities than he might normally have in the bible belt of the ol' US of A. This also allows me to be a facilitator, show Chris a good time, and be a good 'wingman'. Also, let's face it, it could make for an interesting story.
So we went to a bar that davebecca and I enjoyed called the Spitfire, which is a WWII themed dive bar. It was completely dead and pretty boring so we went to a bar that was labeled as more 'open minded'. I can say that, for a straight guy, I've been to more gay bars than most, but this was weirder than most. I'm not sure how to explain it because nothing was overtly crazy nor were there guys dancing on tables or anything, it just felt dark I guess. That's not a skintone joke either, just think about being gay in a society in which 'no one is gay' and if you are caught you could 'disappear.' This bar could also get raided at anytime and then we'd be in some serious trouble, so it had the speakeasy appeal to it.
Anyway, I just grab a couple beers and chris and I sit in the back corner. Within moments our barren corner was teaming with dudes hanging around. Chris chalks this up to us being 'fresh meat', I chalk it up to being totally hot and unattainable, something all guys want. Eventually, I get really people claustrophobic and want to get out of there so I settle up and Chris and I leave.
Continued in Part 2
I've got my gallabaya all pressed and ready for my first day out alone.
It's almost 2am and I just walked Chris to the door. Walking back up the steps I realize that I am completely alone. In Egypt. Franzo, Dave, Chris, and Rebecca, all gone. I'm sitting in a hot Cairo apartment in my boxers, typing out my thoughts. Tomorrow I will wake up and have no one to talk to. Tomorrow I will wake up with no where to go and nothing to do.
Tomorrow I will wake up whenever I want and do whatever I want.
I should also see about getting my visa extended at some point.
I'm just as curious as you to see how all this turns out.
Sorry for the lack of posts, I plan to make up for them once all guests have left and I start to get settled into my new place.
I got a great deal on it and I live with 4 random people, most of whom don't speak english very well. I'm not sure what nationalities everyone is yet, but everyone seems like they're pretty cool. I have the smallest room with a chance to upgrade in a couple months once some of the people move out. Right now my rent is about $200 a month, and that includes everything. It's an 8th floor penthouse in a nice part of town, but the inside looks like a paper st. house. I'm putting up the first pictures of the place, along with the amazing view from the rooftop, on my flickr.
Soon I will post all the crazy stories from Chris' visit as well, just be patient.
Last night Francesca and I went to a going away party for Handsome George while Dave waited for Rebecca. We figured it would be a small little party but it turned out to be pretty big and pretty fun. There were a lot of people and plenty interesting conversation. We got invited back to the north coast and even asked to stay around after they kicked out everyone at 330am. It felt nice to be in the 'cool club'. It felt even nicer to eat all of their mangoes.
At around 5am we call it a night and head back to Garden City. Of course she was hungry and decided to order some food from a place we passed by on the street. If 2am is the 4th meal I guess this would be the 1st call to prayer meal? Anyway, since the fryers weren't up we had to settle, and by settle I mean that we ate potato chips in a pita. I would have complained it was too unhealthy and gross, but I was too busy washing it down with an orange soda.
