In a move that rebrands science as the new alchemy, Scientists have figured out how to turn tequila into diamonds. I've always said, tequila is the classier of liquors, or at the very least, makes me classier. Remember that scene in Rumble in the Bronx where they race motorcycles across the tops of parked cars in NYC? One time, in the upscale part of Cairo, I got so classy at a party I reenacted that scene, sans motorcycles or asians.
Anyway, who wouldn't want a mezcal cut with superior clarity and a worm in the diamond? I bet Debeers is upset that their nonrare source has become even less rare with neoalchemy. OH! I'm going to get one of those worm diamonds and put it in my wizards staff and cast spells of drunkeness (level 5) and stomach aches (level 12).
Party Wyzzzard!!!
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I've heard Municipal Waste's Richmond shows feature a mosh wizard. (You would know this; I've just seen them on tour.) It seems like that guy would probably come before you on the list to be certified as a liquor-to-precious-stones technician. Maybe you could intern for him.
In other news, I'm contemplating a campaign to bring back stone as a general-purpose modifier. I listened to Curtis Mayfield's "Stone Junkie" last night and thought that more people should be stone more things. You could be a stone expat blojjist. I could be a stone idiot for living here. Etc.